Inspired by Children Say The Darndest Things, I am going to try to write up the most bizarre things that customers have said to me, either during phone calls or chat conversations. And yes, all these things have happened to me personally.
Me: Is the billing address and shipping address the same?
Customer: “The same as what?”
Me: And the phone number you have on file with your credit card?
Customer: Um… hang on, let me turn it over and look… 1-800-….
Me: Sir, that’s a [competitor] part number. We don’t support another company’s product.
Customer: Why not?
Customer: “I have to pay for shipping this back to have it replaced? But it’s defective! I only had it for a year!”
Me: I’ll of course be happy to reinstate your order. I just need you to give me your credit card information again, because we don’t store that where it can be reached.
Customer: Why not? That’s stupid!
Me: I do apologize for the inconvenience sir, it’s just that it is against our fraud-prevention policy to charge a credit card if we cannot verify the billing address on the order.
Customer: I just repeated it to you!
Me: What is the make and model of your computer, sir?
Me: What kind of Dell, sir?
My job teaches restraint.