Don’t tell me to just shut up and fix your problem.
Don’t say “I’m not a complaining kind of person”. According to the timer on my phone I’ve listened to you do just that for the past 25 minutes.
Why would we intentionally ship you a malfunctioning part?
No, it’s not my phone. It doesn’t matter that no one else has problems hearing you or that no one else points out the static, if there was anything at all wrong with my phone it would have been replaced by now, because I can’t do my job without it. And I would have this problem with all customers, not just you.
Don’t put me on hold. You called me… if you don’t have time to focus on the conversation for ten minutes, call back later. That goes double if you’re on a call on the other line as well, while talking to me.
You’re not funny. You really, really, are not funny.
Jokes about needing more memory, when I apologize for a temporary computer problem, are not funny either.
No, I don’t have a direct extension, we’re a call center here. And even if I did have one, I’m not going to give it out just so you won’t have to wait on hold when you call back in ten minutes to place your order.
No, it’s not your fault the part isn’t working. But it’s not ours either, so stop accusing us of making it fail just so we can take more money from you.
I’m not interested in how long you’ve been on hold. You’re not more important just because you had to wait longer, and I won’t work harder to help you just because you’re upset about it. (For the record, we know what our hold times are. If we could do something about them, don’t you think we would, just to improve our own work environment?)
Shrill voices. I hate shrill voices.